And whaur do you suppose was Kate
When market days were wearin' late.
While Tam frequented wretched dives
And fooled around with landlord's wives.
And rode poor Meg through mud and ditches
And had an eye for handsome witches.
Played 'Peepin' Tam' at Alloway
And yelled and gave the himsel' away
And fled from there amid the din
While Maggie barely saved his skin!
Whaur was Kate?- No whaur you think!

Kate slaved awa the live-long day;
They had so mony bills tae pay
The twins just had tae have some shoes
And Tam he spent that much on booze.
She does the wash she mends the clothes
And what all else- God only Knows!
She keeps the hoose all neat and trim
And makes the lunch for ploughboy Jim
A neebour lad they hire by day
Who does the work while Tam's away.

She herds the sheep and cattle too.
Feeds hen, milks cows, and when that's through
She maks the cheese and butter tae,
For Tam tae sell on Market day
Though truth to tell, it's hard to say
Tam drinks the proceeds half away.
But to our tale

Tam won hame that night at four
When Maggie found the stable door
Tam tumbled senseless tae the floor
Tae sleep it aff eight hours or more.
His dreams went through that ride again

He tossed and turned `mid hail and rain'
At noon Tam woke from his lowly bed
And saw Meg's rump above his head
An awful thought came to his brain
Oh God that wisna hail and rain!

He struggled slowly to his feet
He was not clean, he was not neat
He scraped off what he could and then
He made his way from But to Ben
And stood dumbfoonert!

What the Hell!!
Kate had gone, the twins as well.
But she had left a note for him `
I've sailed tae Canada wi' Jim
And we expect tae settle doon
In a nice wee farm near Saskatoon !

Forgive me, Tam, and don't be sore
I couldna take it any more
I have tae find a better day
Before I slave my life away
Don't fash yersel' aboot the twins
I might as well confess - they're Jim's

Now wha this tale o’ truth shall read
Ilk man and mothers son tak heed
Just try tae live a sober life
Remember Tam O’Shanter’s wife.